Brain Boggle



This is kind of like everything I have ever said (similar to my post about putting things in inappropriate places, or just where they do not belong—Tear Down That Bitch of a Bearing Wall).  This kind of situation that I will talk about in a few sentences from now happens with words and sentences and idioms and things.  Perhaps this is how we have come to know some of our most ridiculous and popular phrases like white on rice or call a spade a spade or putting my foot in my mouth.  See, but if one is to do their research I am more than positive that there are reasons and explanations for those exact sayings.  But there may not be a reason at all for what I am about to explain.
             You know those instances, where you just do not say what you want to and your brain takes over and that little guy inside manically laughing rewires the word choices of your brain so that there you are saying some barbarically asinine statement.  
There are a few logical reasons for this conundrum though; sometimes your mind is congested with other thoughts and scrambles of words—scrambling, unscrambling, tossing sound bites down into your mouth.  Sometimes it is word association, and other times it is sight association, and further still it could possibly be memory association.  But either which way I am still wondering why my mind likes to sabotage my speech.  I know the mind is a powerful weapon capable of thinking of a million different things in rapid succession (and I do not believe anyone who says we cannot think of two things at once—been there done that) and of dreaming 15 2-3 second dreams in a night (have you had that Snapple fact?).  But when will we stop making excuses for our bombarded brains, when really it is all their fault?
 When I was in high school and a vocal major and in choruses, while singing the Italian Arias or the Latin Requiems my mind would wander (the guy in my mind taking a hike on the desert ridges of my brain—a drifter) because the songs were always 30 minutes long after 15 minutes of re-singing a segment over and over again before singing the full 30 page packet of sheet music through to the end.  So your mouth would just take over and your mind would go to that desert with the guy in your brain.  And every time my mind took that minor hiatus I wondered what my mouth was really saying, for all I knew I could have been singing penis instead of cum Sanctus glorious and Hosanna.  Although if that were true I think the chorus would have noticed and either giggled like high school twits or stopped singing, turned to me, and stared until I realized I was the only one still singing with the word penis dangling from my mouth.
This all reminds me of that phrase that I despise with most of my passions—say what you mean, mean what you say (and don’t say it meanly).  Well you know what, sometimes it is out of our fucking control.  So screw you, mind altering autocorrect!
You know, maybe this really is some form of dyslexia, or maybe we should just stop putting a name on things and make language easier—then maybe this problem would cease to exist, but I doubt that.  Our minds are cluttered, our lives are cluttered, and one of these days we are just going to revert back to the babbles of babies and cavemen (not to say that babies are like cavemen, because I am almost near positive that the former smells extraordinarily better than the latter). 

BONUS:
*Why is it that dyscalculia could give someone dyslexia?
*Why is a lisp called a lisp, when people with a lisp cannot say the word lisp? 
*Why is a stu-t-t-tter called a stutter? For real.  Just no.

BONUS BONUS:
Instead of saying, "blue kitchen" today, I said, "blue chicken."   That is a fact.  And that is all.

TRIPLE BONUS:
If shit can come out of your ass, why can't it come out of your mouth?


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