Lulu’s Loose Screw

* Warning this post contains unfiltered material, so I may lose some of you.  Some things may be funny, others scary, and some might make you turn your head and shake away your cries.  But hey, I got a screw loose, right!?   I never understood why pooping should be such a taboo.  Why don’t we talk about it?  There are some hilarious stories or circumstances that arise while sitting on the toilet.  And as we all remember since childhood, everybody poops!  Here is my proof: Maybe I’ll write my own book, The Poop Chronicles, like The Vagina Monologues . I will go around to people and ask them their poop stories, their shit tales.  I have a play idea too, about the Poop Bandit—who makes public pooping something that happens in a public bathroom to something that happens on the front lawns of college universities. Here are a few more poop truths: *I once pooped out a sword *I once pooped out the Titanic; it split in ...

My dad can’t hear a word for shit. One day I asked him, “What anniversary is it for you?” meaning him and mom, he then asked me, “What animal tree are you afraid of ?”  asking subliminally if that is what I said without the strained old age “Whaaa” exiting his lips. (Old people are too lazy to add the t). Here are some pictures of what he might have meant by “animal tree” My sister and I joke that the “animal tree we are afraid of” was this tree down the block from our apartment. A tree that was littered with stuffed animals, such as these Since that “animal tree” day the hearing problem has only gotten worse.  But he claims he has 20/20 hearing. Ha! Here is the most recent misinterpretation. I ask my dad the other day: “Dad, where is that gondola ride in Las Vegas; in what hotel?” He says back to me: “The goggles you rented?” My mother chimes in: He went to a dime store to get his hear...

My mind is basically a horror movie attic filled with addicts and filing cabinets, where a ragdoll sits rocking in a rocking chair with crazy orange eyes that look in looping directions—never stopping talking, crazy thinking, tongue twirling, papers flying.  Not completely orderless or ordorless.  And the filing cabinets open and shut rapidly.  Noisy, but a weird music about the place—the combination of the doll talking, rustling papers, records cracking on a victrola, law-office filing cabinets slamming, the addicts scratching leftover bug bites, and the creaking rocking chair.  In the sweet smells of dustiness, the walls breathe a gray and pink organic.  Destroyed/Deranged Dolls

Punk-drunk Glass plate clashes crashing the tiles the linoleum the kitchen floor. The sink is dry but the metal stinks like blood stains a white T-shirt of the punk-rock sick girl with sticks in her back pocket. She folds her weapons like nunchucks in her pants bulging to the slope of her butt. Her boots are thumping down the stairs of her Rego Park apartment building a heroin-height of anxiety. She presses her thumbnail to her elbow hole popping the vein as she twists the nail in deeper digging the glistening blue wire with the shovel of her finger-nail and pulling like an IV got caught in her arm. A magician chokes somewhere on the mono-colored skinny tie she is releasing. She tugs but the scarf can pull no longer it gets stuck at the wrist. She wiggles and yanks harder until she feels the chord through her middle finger. Her surrounding digits bend down to the swollen knu...

*Favorite conjunction: “so” — as in “So what!” “So this is what you mean.” "So I have been thinking..." “So what do you think about that?” and, “and so” *Stuff vs. things: THINGS *Go-to Card Game/ Card Game of choice: Egyptian Ratscrew  *Favorite pattern: polka dots, and paisley  *Writing weapon of choice: colored pens *Favorite Holiday: Halloween!!! *Go-to song to hum when bored: the  Doug  theme song  *Go-to doodle to draw when bored: spirals or flowers or flowers that stem into a spiral  *Apples vs. Oranges: Mangoes *Favorite animals: pigs, foxes, owls, and sometimes octopi (a,e,I,o,u and sometimes y) *Makeup vs. Jewelry: Jewelry, any day! *Go-to breakfast food: EGGS *Go-to scary movie: IT — which they are remaking                       http://www.shortlist.com/entertainment/films/stephen-kings-it-...