Awkward Accidents


There is a reason I do not call for people when they are across the street from me; to save myself from humiliation when I realize I am calling out the name of a person who is not even there, and who I was just make-believing I was seeing. You instantly become that idiot who is screaming random names out loud that no one is answering to. You sound something like this:


Here are other reasons I never call for people across the street:

*I had this friend in high school who wore her hair in a ponytail everyday, she also wore a red Jansport knapsack.  One day she was wearing a brown shirt, and as I was walking to my last class of the day I saw her—brown hair in a ponytail, red backpack wrapped around her shoulders, and that brown-colored shirt. So I called her name, no response, I called her name again, the same nothing as a reply. So finally I said, “Yo, Bitch,” and took my fist to her backpack and slammed it down. The girl that turned around was not my friend, and she was also terrified. I apologized profusely and felt like the biggest asshole. I have never let myself live that one down!

*We had escalators in our high school on account of there being so many floors and too many students. I was riding the escalator with a friend, we got off on the fifth floor and walked through the swinging doors. There were so many people coming off the moveable staircase that I went to grab my friend’s hand. I walked left and the hand I was holding walked right. That was when I realized that it was not my friend’s hand I was tugging to go left; it was not her hand I was holding, but the hand of some other broad entirely.

*I was at a Bat Mitzvah with my friends who are not my friends any longer. We were a group of girls with one guy. The guy’s mother was also at the Bat Mitzvah and started waving to the group of us, or so I thought. So I waved back. Well the girls were hysterically laughing, “Who are you waving to?” And I said, "Never mind," because I knew I would be ridiculed regardless of why I was waving. And the thing was they were already making fun of me because I had pockets in my dress. Funny how that has become a fashion trend—look who is laughing now!



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